Lifes hard, Loves harder
by lauralou1986
Summary: Merder six weeks after 318, dealing with everything thing life throws at them! sorry i am rubbish at reviews but please read anyway
1. Chapter 1

Meredith lay in the middle of her bed in a dark room. For once the house was empty and completely silent. Izzie and Alex had both scrubbed in on a surgery, so wouldn't be home until late and Derek was at the hospital checking on his post op patients.

Meredith was totally content with just laying there; the last six weeks had been some what of a whirlwind, since her Mothers death and everything. Izzie and George were barely speaking, George still choosing not to tell Callie about what happened between them. Christina and Burke deciding to put a hold on the engagement and Derek, who has been kind of quiet and strange for a while now.

All of a sudden her tranquillity was disturbed by the sound of the front door slamming shut; she heard the sound of foot steps in the hall travelling through to the kitchen. Dereks footsteps, she could tell by the noise his shoes made on the wooden floor. She could hear him slowly climbing the stairs and walking towards her room. He pushed the door open and turned the light eye. Meredith flinched when the beams of light hit her eyes.

Derek looked at Meredith with a tired distant expression on his face he watched her for a moment before finally speaking, 'hey.'

'Hey yourself' Meredith moved over to her side of the bed making room for him to lie down.

Derek made his was over to Meredith and climbed onto the bed next to her, without so much as even removing his shoes. She cuddled up to him, resting her head on his chest. The room was silent again until Meredith let out a sigh. 'You o kay, you've been kind of quite lately?' She muttered hoping her would choose to open up to her.

'Yes, everything is fine, its nothing to do with us, its just me.' He spoke quietly then leant down and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

'What about you though, you have not been right since my Mother died.' She said pleading for him to say something in reply.

He ran his fingers up and down her back for a couple of minutes before speaking again. 'Christina said you weren't feeling so good today, are you o kay?'

'I'm fine just really tired and achy, I felt nauseous all day but its passing now, I think I just need a good nights sleep, anyway stop changing the subject, we were talking about you.' Meredith tilted her head to look into his eyes so that he wouldn't be ale to avoid her.

'What about me, so I have been a bit quiet, unless you forget you almost died a few weeks ago and I know you seem totally fine with it and everything but its just a lot for me to process.' Derek spoke straight to her, raising his voice to begin with but ending on a mellower note.

Meredith just stared at him she had no clue what to say, it was up to Derek to break the silence. 'I almost lost you, do you have any idea how hard that was, there was nothing I could do to help you and we never even talked about it, I don't even know what happened to you, how did you end up in the water in the first place? Why didn't you swim?' He looked at her with a pleading look in his eyes.

Meredith thought for a second, unsure if he could take the truth, so she thought maybe she could tell him, just leave change it a little, creative licence, so she took a deep breath sat up and began. 'I was helping a guy and he was in pain and struggling and I just lost my balance and fell in, I tied to swim but it was just to cold and I couldn't I wanted to but, I don't know I guess in that moment I couldn't do it, it was to hard everything was just to hard.' She paused her eyes filling to the brim. This was the first time she had really talked about it and it was hard, seeing the look on Dereks face. He looked lost.

'So you wanted to drown, is that what you are trying to tell me?'

Meredith jumped in quickly 'No, I don't know, maybe in that moment, but not anymore I promise, I just…..got a bit lost for a while, but okay now, were okay right?' A single tear ran down her cheek, followed by another which Derek quickly intercepted with his chin. He never wanted to upset her that's why he hadn't brought it up himself. He leant forward and kissed her on the forehead.

'We are okay, everything is going to be okay.' Derek looked into her eyes tracing her jaw line with his thumb as he spoke. He was unable to hide the look of hurt on his face, he had desperately wanted to think that she had swam as hard as she could, but he knew in the back of his mind that this was not the case, that why he had been so unsettled recently.

'I m sorry, it had nothing to do with you, I was just a mess and I guess I was scared, everything with us just moved so fast, one minute you have a wife the next we practically live to together, I was just looking for trouble, my Mother messed with my head.' She spoke tearfully and honestly desperately wanting to ease the pain that she could see in his eyes.

'Do you want to slow things down?' This was the last thing Derek wanted but he had to ask.

'No, I was just scared I love you, I just needed a reminder.' She intercepted quickly

'Are you sure, its not what I want, but I want you t be happy, that's what will make me feel better, you happy.'

'Yes I am sure and you make me really happy, okay.' Meredith spoke softly and then leaned in and kissed him just once, before pulling a way and looking into his eyes, before he reciprocated. Pushing her gently down onto the bed while she pulled his sweater over his head.

_This is my very first fanfic so please be nice!!!!!!!!!!!_

'


	2. Chapter 2

Meredith woke from her slumber as the morning sun light crept through the curtains, her and Dereks naked bodies wrapped around each other. She rolled over to avoid the sunlight hiding her face in Dereks neck. Derek started to stir as he felt her breath on his neck. He gently lay down and kissed her on the head.

'Morning' she mumbled while keeping her eyes tightly shut.

'Did you sleep well Miss Grey?'

'When I finally fell asleep I did, it was weird this strange man let himself into my house then proceeds to keep me up all night.' She giggled as she spoke, then lifted up her head, smiled at him and lent into to kiss him on the lips, before she reached his lips a strong unpleasant smell met Meredith's nose and she pulled away quickly.

'What the hell is that smell?'

'Oh sorry, shall I go and brush my teeth?' Derek sniggered as he pulled himself out of bed.

'No its not that it smells like its coming from downstairs, I cant stand it Izzie must be cooking.' Meredith pulled a face and held her stomach as the smell continued to waft into the room from downstairs.

'Mer, I think its just coffee, are you alright?' Derek watched as Meredith's face gradually got paler and paler, she eventually jumped up and ran into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her.

Derek jumped up and walked towards the bathroom door. He could hear the sound of sick hitting the toilet bowl. He gently tapped on the door. 'Mer…Meredith do you need me to get you anything?'

He waited a few seconds for a reply, but when he heard nothing he gently pushed the door open. Meredith was sat on the bathroom floor, leaning her head against the toilet, she looked completely exhausted. She tried to smile to offer him some reassurance but she just couldn't. Instead she muttered quietly. 'I'm okay.'

Derek walked towards placed a kiss on her head and then sat down next to her. 'Are you sure because you don't look well?…you look beautiful but not okay and you said you felt ill yesterday.' Derek spoke softly with kindness and compassion in his voice, while he rubbed her back in an attempt to comfort her.

'I told you I am just tired and we didn't exactly get a lot of sleep last night did we? Not that I am complaining.' She once again tried to smile to give him some reassurance.

'Meredith you look more than tired to me, maybe you should take the day off catch up on your sleep, see if you feel any better.' Derek tried to lightly suggest knowing full well that she would not like the idea following all the time she has had to take off recently.

'I'm fine I feel better already, don't worry, I will just have an early night tonight, why don't you go and make me some toast and I will see you downstairs in a minute.' Derek simply raised his eyebrow at this suggestion before getting up and heading downstairs to make some toast, leaving Meredith sat on the bathroom floor.

Derek walked into the kitchen to find Izzie sat at the table sipping her coffee and reading the paper, she tilted her head up and looked at Derek. 'Hey, Meredith not up yet?'

'She's up, she just isn't very well, the smell of your coffee resulted in a mad dash to the bathroom this morning, so I am just making some toast to try and settle her stomach.'

Izzie looked up again and started giggling quietly, Derek looked at her and frowned. 'What?' He said in a slightly irritated manner.

Izzie managed to stifle the giggles for a second. 'She's not pregnant is she? I mean the way you to go at it I wouldn't be surprised.'

Derek had no response to this, it had honestly not even crossed his mind, I mean she couldn't be they were careful nearly always, she was on the pill. He continued to busy himself making Meredith's toast while Izzie continued to read the paper quietly, sensing the shock on Derek's face sensing this was probably something best left till later to badger Meredith about.


	3. Chapter 3

Meredith walked into the kitchen, she still looked awful. Derek's eyes were fixated on her as she pulled up a chair and sat at the breakfast bar. He silently slid the toast across the counter towards her. She made a small attempt at a smile as she accepted the toast. The kitchen was silent; Meredith picking at her toast and Derek still watching her intently, his mind was racing. '_Was she pregnant? How would they cope with this? Were their resent problems even resolved?'_

Izzie looked at the two of them, she could not bare the silence any longer, so she made her excuses and headed off to work, knowing she would be better talking to Meredith later when they are alone.

Meredith and Derek made there way to work barely speaking. Meredith felt terrible, but she knew she couldn't afford anymore time off. Derek desperately wanted to discuss the question that Izzie had raised earlier this morning in the kitchen but thought better of it. It was likely to be a long discussion whatever the outcome so probably best saved until tonight.

The hospital was manic all day, Meredith dragged herself round trying to convince herself that she felt alright. She made her way to the locker room at the end of the day, as she started to get changed Izzie came bounding in, quickly slowing down when she saw a pale and exhausted Meredith.

'Are you okay Mer? You look kind of awful!'

'I'm fine I just need to get some sleep' Meredith muttered.

'Meredith were interns sleep deprivation is part of the job, anyway since when did not enough sleep make you hurl at the smell of coffee.'

'Just drop it Izz okay, I really don't want to talk about this right now.' Meredith snapped, before turning back round and continuing to pack up her things.

The room was in silence Izzie stood staring at Meredith, until the door came swinging open and Christina came striding in with a beaming smile on her face. 'You don't even want to know what I have just done.' Christina froze when she saw the atmosphere between the other two women.

'Right what is with you two?'

'Nothing.' Meredith snapped quickly not giving Izzie a chance to answer.

'Meredith thinks she is pregnant, but won't admit it and keeps blaming it on exhaustion.'

Christina's eyes left Izzie and stared at Meredith. 'Seriously, have you told Mcdreamy yet?' Christina enquired.

'Told him what? There is nothing to tell, I actually think Izzie is loosing it, I am not pregnant okay, I just need to go home and get some sleep.' Meredith snapped once more before she glared at Izzie and storming out of the locker room. Christina and Izzie both gave each other a look before continuing on with what they were doing. She knew that being pregnant was a possibility, but it was not one that she was willing to consider. Things were finally starting to get back to normal with Derek after their talk last night. They both seemed comfortable with their relationship and this happens. She just wanted to run and hide.

Derek's car pulled up behind Meredith's outside her house. He walked in to some what of a similar scene from the night before, the house in darkness. He repeated the same actions climbing the stairs to Meredith's bedroom, finding her in the same position and taking up his next to her.

They both lay there in silence neither acknowledging the other for several minutes. It was Derek who eventually broke the deathly silence. 'Are we going to talk about this then?'

'Talk about what, I fell fine now stop worrying.' Meredith whispered, desperately not wanting to disturb the peaceful silence.

'Meredith you know what I mean, you think your pregnant and don't want to talk about it, well we have to talk about it, this isn't just going to go away if you pretend it's not happening.' Derek turned to look at her as he watched a single tear fall down her cheek. He leant forward and kissed her gently on the forehead and waited patiently for her to speak.

Finally in a whispered voice she spoke. 'I don't know how to talk about it, I don't know what I want, I don't know what you want, I I ……………I can't deal with this Derek.' Another tear fell down her cheek, Derek pulled her close to him and planted another kiss on her head.

'I know it's scary but we can do this together, but we have to know, pretending it is not happening will not help us.'

'How do you know?' Meredith muttered her face hiding in Derek's chest. The lay silently for a few minutes, motionless, simply enjoying the comfort that they offered each other.

'I got you a test on the way home, why don't you go do it, we might be worrying about nothing.' He gently whispered into her hair.

She nodded against his chest and the pair sat up and Derek walked over to his bag and pulled the test out handing it to her, then gently leaning in and kissing her. She walked silently to her bathroom, while Derek sat patiently on the bed, twiddling his fingers.

After a couple of minutes he stood up and pushed the bathroom door open. Meredith was sat on the floor with the test laid upside down in front of her.

'So?' Derek enquired gently.

'I can't look.' She sobbed her head in her hands.

He approached her and sat down next to her. 'We seemed to be spending a lot of time in here today.' Derek tried to lighten the mood; she simply looked up and raised her eyebrow.

He took her hand. 'Come we will look together.' He picked up the test in his hand and turned it over………..

_I hope you like, lots of reviews inspire me to right faster._


	4. Chapter 4

The pair sat motionless on the bathroom floor, staring at the two blue lines in front of them. Neither knew what to say, what they wanted or how to start the long conversation that they both knew was coming.

Derek eventually broke the silence trying to offer his support and reassurance. 'We can deal with this you know, together.'

' I…..I…. can't….I just don't.' Meredith broke down into a gentle sob. Derek put his arm around her and they continued to sit in silence for some time. Derek eventually rose and offered his hand to Meredith, she accepted and he led them over towards the bed. They both stripped down to their underwear and climbed into bed, they lay facing each other, so close they could feel each others breath on their faces. Derek looked into her eyes and whispered gently. 'Tomorrow.' Meredith nodded slowly in agreement as he lent over and kissed her gently on the lips.

The morning began with the blaring of the alarm, Meredith turned over and switched it off. For one moment neither remembered the events of the previous day, then all of a sudden a wave of nausea passed through Meredith and as she bolted into the bathroom, it came all came flooding back.

She returned from the bathroom and climbed back into bed and into Derek's arms. 'Are you alright?'

'Yes, I love starting my day with my head down a toilet.' She grumbled. Silence fell over the room once more then all of a sudden Meredith found the courage to speak. 'I don't know if I can do this, it's just I'm not ready for all this.'

'The sickness won't last forever you know.' Derek ran his fingers through her hair comforting her.

'I don't mean that, I can deal with my increased up chuck, I mean the baby thing, you know the whole parents idea, I'm not exactly the maternal type and are we ready for this?'

'That's the beauty of pregnancy Meredith we get nine months to get ready.' Derek said smiling.

'You want me to keep it?'

Derek sat up and changed his tone of voice instantly, it had never crossed his mind that they wouldn't. 'You mean you don't want to have are baby? I know this is not exactly an ideal time but for god sake Meredith, these things happen and you just have to deal with them, I believe we can do this.'

'Listen I love you, but I wasn't sure I ever wanted a baby, let alone now, I'm an intern, we barely see each other as it is and we are having are fair share of problems at the moment, I don't think introducing a baby into the equation is the answer.'

'So that's it choice made?'

'I don't……' Meredith had no clue what to say without hurting him.

Derek threw the covers off himself, climbed out of bed and walked downstairs. 'Derek wait we need to talk about this.' Meredith called after him, but he failed to reply. He got ready and left for work early. Meredith spent half an hour in the bathroom throwing up, before making her way downstairs to find Alex on his way out and Izzie in the kitchen eating breakfast.

'Do you want any breakfast, you look like crap.'

'Gee thanks Izz, way to boost a girls confidence and I think ill give breakfast a miss, grab something later when my stomach has settled.'

'Meredith you need to eat.' Izzie pointed out concerned.

'I know okay and I will later.' Meredith knew she was stapping but she couldn't help herself.

'So I take it that your pregnant then, are you going to keep it?' She enquired gently.

'No, I don't know, I just, Derek wants me to keep it but I'm not ready.' Meredith was completely confused, if she was honest she didn't even really know what she wanted. Izzie walked past and gently squeezed her arm. 'I'm here if you need me okay.'

'Okay.'

Meredith had the morning off and decided to go to a private obgyn practice, to get her pregnancy confirmed and find out her options.

The appointment simply confused Meredith further. She found out that she was six weeks pregnant, the doctor was great she listened to Meredith's concerns and advised her on the choices she had. She told her that if she wanted an abortion it would be best if she did it in the next two weeks as it is a much simpler procedure in this early stage of the pregnancy. Meredith made an appointment for ten day time, which gave her a little time to ensure she made the right choice. The doctor told her that way she has some time to make up her mind whether or not this is really what she wants, she also gave Meredith some pre-natal vitamins which she should start taking immediately in case she decides to keep the baby.


	5. Chapter 5

Meredith went straight to work following her appointment. She was grateful to be on call over night, which would hopefully provide her with a little time away from Derek to make up her mind, all she had to do was get through the day without bumping into him.

Meredith was sat alone in the canteen trying to force some food down when Christina pulled up a chair next to her. Meredith turned round to look at her friend. Christina had a sympathetic look upon her face she knew all to well the position she was in and knew that there was nothing she could do to help. 'So?'

'Yes.' Meredith replied quietly.

'Izzie said Shepard wants you to keep it, are you keeping it?'

'I don't know, I went to the doctor this morning and made an appointment for ten days time, so I guess I got some thinking to do.'

'Yes.' Christina replied quietly.

'I just…I don't know how I feel, if I don't keep it I'm not sure if me and Derek are going to make it you know.'

'You can't have it if it is not what you want, Shepard loves you he will understand in the end, give him a chance to some round.'

'I think he's kind of hoping that I will come round and you know part of me wants to. If I was to have a baby it would be with him, I'm just not sure if I want one at all, you know. I want my career and if I thought I could do both well then I would but I'm not sure that it is possible, I mean look at my mother.'

'Have you tried telling Shepard that, he's a reasonable guy, give him some time.' Meredith just nodded, before making another dash to the bathroom.

Derek spent his day in similar way to Meredith, trying to avoid her. He just needed time to think. A baby was not exactly what he had in mind, everything was still a little strange between them following her near death and everything. All the same this was a child that they had made together and not going through with the pregnancy was something her was finding almost impossible to comprehend.

Unfortunately Derek was not able to avoid Christina, when he walked into an empty elevator. 'Dr Shepard.' She greeted.

'Dr Yang.' Christina stood glaring at him her eyes burning in the back of his head. All of a sudden Derek pulled the emergency stop and turned round.

'Right what it is spit it out.'

'What.' Derek simply raised his eyebrow at her reply.

'Why don't you just go and talk to her, this is tearing her up as well, you think this is an easy choice for, your supposed to love her.'

'I do.' Derek interjected.

'Well where were you when she was at the doctor this morning and when she has had her head down the toilet, you don't have to like her choice but you should still be there, that's what it about, getting through the hard stuff together.' Christina stepped forward and restarted the lift, it reached her floor and she walked out leaving Derek stood silently.

Derek walked out of the lift and went to the cafeteria and picked up some water and some crackers and then headed off to find Meredith before he went home for the night. He spent over and hour trying to find her before asking one of the nurses who informed him that she was in one of the on call rooms.

He gently opened the door to find a pale and exhausted Meredith lying asleep on the only occupied bed. He locked the door and slowly walked over and laid next to her causing her to stir from sleep, she rolled over to face him. 'Hey.' She mumbled still half asleep.

'Sorry I didn't mean to wake you.' He lent forward and gently kissed her.

'Liar!' She smirked at him, nudging his arm with her tiny fist.

'Owwwwwwwwww.'

'Seriously.' They both lay their giggling for the shortest time forgetting about everything else.

'Sorry about this morning I should never have walked away, I just.'

'It's okay…… I went to the doctor.'

'I heard, I would of come you know, you shouldn't have had to go by yourself.' He watched her intently as he ran his finger along her jaw line.

'I'm six weeks… so the Dr said it would be best if we could make are minds up before I reach eight. I made an appointment for ten days time.' Meredith finished the sentence quietly, watching his face to try and gage his reaction.

He paused for a moment. 'So there are still minds to be made up then?' He gently enquired.

'I'm scared.'

'What of?'

'Everything……Having a baby and not being a good mother, having an abortion and realising that I made a mistake, resenting you and the baby, loosing you for not keeping are child, what everyone will say when they find out and things I haven't even thought of yet.' She stopped out of breath with tears rolling down her cheeks.

'I'm here okay, I will always be here even if you decide that you can't keep it I still want to be there for you.'

'Why are you being nice to me? I am a horrible person.'

'No your not and that reminds me I have something for you.' He pulled out the crackers and water which he had purchased earlier. She graciously accepted and he lent forward and kissed her.

'Thank you.' She murmured in-between kissing.

They continued kissing that way for several minutes, then things began to intensify. It was what they both needed to feel close to each other. Derek began to run his fingers along the top of her scrub pants slowly tugging them down, along with her underwear; she then did the same to him. Neither wanted any foreplay, the kissing alone had been enough to arouse them. He gently pushed his way inside and thrusted slowly back and forth until he felt her muscles tighten around him, causing him to intensify slightly, then together they both released.

Out of breath they lay together her back to him as he gently ran his fingers over her stomach.

'I love you, don't ever think..'

'Sshhh.' He silenced her. 'It's alright I know.' He lent up and kissed her cheek. 'I love you.'

They lay this way until they both fell asleep, comfortable in each others arms. Meredith's pager eventually went off interrupting them from their tranquillity.

'Shit.' She jumped up pulling her clothes on as quickly as she could. Derek say up and also began to get dressed.

'I got to go, are you going to go home?'

'Yes, I will see you in the morning, try and get some sleep if you can and eat these.' He spoke softly while tossing her the crackers.

'Thank you, well talk tomorrow night okay.' Derek simply nodded in agreement as he watched he race out the door fastening her hair as she ran.


	6. Chapter 6

Nine days had past since Meredith's visit to the doctors, which meant she had only one day left to decide upon the fate of her baby. Her and Derek had had numerous long discussions, but no conclusion had been made. Meredith went from one end of the scale to the next, while Derek continued to try to persuade her to keep the baby but making it clear that he would support her either way.

Meredith was sat at the bar at Joe's sipping her water at the end of a long day day. She had not intension of drinking but she just needed some thinking time and figured that this would be the last place Derek would look for her.

'Thought I'd find you here.' Christina tore Meredith from her thoughts.

'I'm not drinking I'm just..'

'Hiding from Shepard.' Christina pointed out.

'I am an awful person aren't I, he's been so great and I am hiding.'

'Do you want me to come with you tomorrow?' Christina gently enquired.

'No, Derek's going to come.' Meredith sat staring into space.

'So you are going too got through with it? I thought Shepard would have worn you down by now.'

'I honestly don't know, one minute I think that I could do this and then the next I am totally terrified and can't ever picture myself as a mother. But I would know right if it felt right, the whole mummy thing?'

'I don't know, but if you saying that then maybe you would know if you really didn't want to keep it.'

'Your not helping, change the subject, what's going on with you and Burke, wedding still on?'

'I much prefer talking about you.' They both laughed

Meredith woke up in Derek's trailer, early the next morning with Derek's eyes fixated on her face.

'Morning.' Derek bent down and kissed her on the forehead.

'Morning.' She reciprocated by kissing him on the lips, they lay there staring at each other, Derek running his fingers through the front of her hair.

'So.' He mumbled

'So.'

'Have you made up your mind?'

'I don't know, maybe, yes.'

'You can have more time if you need, it will still be relatively straight forward up to about twelve weeks I think, so if you need more time that's okay.' He tried his best to comfort her knowing that either way this was going to be harder on her than it was on him. He had spent the last ten days watching her suffer, throwing up every day and trying to hide it from everyone. Then as if on cue she jumped up and ran to the bathroom. He quickly followed walking behind her, holding up her hair and stroking her back.

'Don't be nice to me.' She whined, he was unintentionally making her decision even harder. He was not budging he stayed with her until she had finished.

'I need to take a shower or I am going to be late.' She said looking at her pale face in the mirror.

'Well I will go and fix us breakfast, just something light.'

'No stay.' She whispered pulling his shirt over his head. They stripped each other of and stepped into the warm shower. They stood under the water with her back resting against his chest as he gently kissed her neck. They washed each others hair and took the time just to be together, they both new that as much as they didn't want it to whatever happened today would ultimately change their relationship.

They were both dressed and had eaten breakfast, Meredith was packing up her things and Derek was sat watching her.

'You don't need to come, you can just drop me off and pick me up when it's over, I know this isn't what you want.'

Derek was completely taken back, he had kind of thought she was changing her mind and now she was actually saying it, she was going through with the termination. He couldn't let her go through this alone though no matter how he felt. 'Of course I am coming, have you got everything? We better get going or we are going to be late.'

'Right lets get going then.' Meredith tried to sound more upbeat if not to convince herself that this was the right choice.

The car pulled up out side the clinic, Derek took the keys out of the ignition and they both just sat, neither wanting to make the first move to get out of the car.

'Are you ready?' He asked gently.

A single tear rolled down her cheek. 'How do you know that this is the right choice? How do you know that I am not making the biggest mistake of my life?'

'If this feels right to you then I trust you, but if your still not sure then we can wait and you can have more time and we can talk some more.' He took her hand in his and kissed and brought it to his lips and kissed it.

'I don't think I can go through with this, not today not at all, it feels wrong.'

'You want to keep the baby?' He enquired trying desperately no to apply any pressure.

'I'm still scared, I still have absolutely no idea how this is going to work, I still don't know if I am even capable of the whole mummy thing, but we can try right?' She sobbed and lent her body against his.

'We can work this out together I know we can.'

'Oh god.' Meredith suddenly leapt out of his arms, out of the car and ran towards some bushes were she proceeded to throw up her breakfast. Derek gently came up behind and resumed the same position that he was in earlier that morning.

Once she had finished vomiting the pair climbed back into the car.

'Are you okay?'

'Yes, I guess I am going to have to get used it.' She turned her head and gave him a reassuring smile.

'I would go through all this for you if I could.'

'Yes, sure you would.' She smiled again and then leant back in her seat as they pulled out of the car park.

Later that night they both lay on Derek's bed. Their faces virtually touching, simply watching one another, contented for the first time in nearly two weeks.

'Do we have to tell everyone right away? I know Izzie and Christina know, but could we just wait to tell everybody else, give us some time to get used to it.'

'If that's what you want.' He leant forward and kissed her.

'I'm not going to change my mind; it's not that, I just….'

'I get it I do and it's fine, I love you.'

'I love you.' And with that they both drifted off to sleep.

'

'


	7. Chapter 7

It had been just over four weeks since Meredith had decided to keep the baby and today she was going for her first ultrasound at the clinic. They had come to the decision that it would be best if she received her pre-natal care outside of Seattle Grace, especially as Meredith was yet tell everyone about her pregnancy.

Meredith and Derek both lay in bed, listening to the sounds of Izzie and Alex rushing around getting ready for work. They had both taken the morning off so they could attend Meredith's appointment.

'What time do we need to leave?' Derek enquired.

'Well my appointment is at nine, so I thought we should give ourselves half an hour to get there, in case of traffic.'

They lay there in silence for a few moments before Derek rolled over to look at her. 'That gives us a few hours to kill, what do you want to do?'

'I have some laundry to do and then I thought I might do some reading.' Meredith smiled at the expression on his face. ' I'm kidding, what do you fancy doing?'

'Well it's up to you, how are you feeling this morning?'

'Not to bad actually, I guess I am a little nervous.'

'Why?'

'I don't know what if something is wrong with the baby or something.' Meredith twittered.

'Relax.' He shifted and kissed her gently. 'I will be there the whole time and everything will fine, any problems we will face them together.' Meredith nodded as he continued to kiss her.

'So this is what you had in mind for this morning then.' Meredith pulled away smirking before continuing to kiss him as he pulled her t-shirt over her head.

Half an hour later the pair made there way down stairs and was greeted by Alex at the bottom.

'How did you two manage to wangle a morning off together?'

The pair froze on the stairs, before Derek piped up. 'Perks of sleeping with your boss!' Meredith shied with relief as Alex simply frowned and walked out of the door.

'Close call.' Derek looked at the relief on her face a she nodded in response.

'Izzie came running past coffee in hand. 'Good look this morning Mer, bring me a photo.' Meredith nodded once again.

'Oh and can you please let the cat out of the back or whatever after today, I mean seriously, it's killing me, actually killing me, for me pleaseeeeeeee, anyway got to go.' Izzie slammed the door leaving Meredith and Derek stood on the stairs exhausted simply from watching her.

They sat eating breakfast, muesli that Derek insisted on them eating every morning.

He looked at her moving it round the bowl with her spoon. 'You know the idea is to eat it.'

'I don't want it, I am not really hungry I will grab something later.' She spoke quietly pushing her bowl towards Derek so he could clear it away.

'Well I will get you some water then, you need to….'

'Drink plenty of water before the ultrasound, I know.' Meredith snapped, what Izzie said was playing on her mind, she knew that people were going to found out sooner or later, she would just prefer if it as later.

'Do we really have to tell people after today?' She wined.

'Well not if you don't want to, but I think that it is best if we tell them, rather than them finding out for themselves, I mean you already showing, we won't be able to hide it much longer anyway.'

'I am not showing.' She threw the tow el beside her at Derek, who ducked laughing.

'Whatever you say Mer.' He walked up behind her and kissed her. 'I like your little bump anyway, it suits you, I love the way you protect it with your hand without even realising.'

'Oh shut up.' She smirked.

'So we can tell people?' Derek asked enthusiastically.

'Okay.' She mumbled.

'I will make an appointment with Richard and we will tell him together, then you can tell your friends, I will tell my family, oh and you could tell you father.' She nodded in response, before getting out of her chair and walking over to him.

'I love you know.'

'Of course you do, as do I.'

'What love yourself.' She laughed as he frowned at her and dragged her back upstairs.

After spending the morning in bed they were both rushing around to get ready in time. Meredith stood at the bottom of the stairs. 'Derek are you ready we are going to be late, what are you doing in the bathroom? I mean seriously the hair looks great.' She smiled to herself as he ran down the stairs every hair perfectly in place as ever.

The car pulled up outside the clinic, as it had done four weeks previous, however this time there was no hesitation when it came to getting out of the car. They both jumped out and virtually ran through to reception, were they were told to go straight in.

They consultation was standard, everything was fine, her blood pressure was up slightly, however Meredith assured the doctor that this was simply due to the shock of the amount of weight that she has gained in the last few weeks.

'So Meredith we just need to do your ultrasound, now if you want to jump up on the bed and lift your shirt I will apply some gel to your stomach which may feel a little cold.' The doctor spoke cheerily sensing Meredith's nerves, hoping to try and put her at ease.

Meredith obliged and lay holding Derek's hand waiting for the image of her baby to appear. Soon enough there it was.

'Is it okay?' Meredith enquired instantly.

'Everything looks good from what I can see, look for yourself.' She moved the screen slightly nearer to them.

'See Mer I told you.' His voice was soothing and reassuring.

'That's our baby.' Meredith whispered with amazement, as she watched the tiny figure on the screen.

'It has my nose.' He grabbed her attention and her head shot round to scowl at him.

'Shut up.' She jabbed him her finger, causing him to wince, quickly recovering he leant forward and kissed her head.

They both left the doctors office smiling as they climbed into the car.

'So, now all we have to do is tell everyone.' Derek said as the car pulled away from the clinic.

'Lets just do it today, I don't want to hide are baby any longer, lets just get over with.'

'No anaesthesia.'

'No anaesthesia.' She mimicked.

The remainder of the car journey was silent as both of them tried to map out the conversations in their heads that they were about to have with family, friends and colleges.

_I am not really very happy with this chapter but I promise that the next two will be much better. Not everyone is going to react well to the news of the new baby._


	8. Chapter 8

Meredith and Derek both sat in front of Richards desk, hand in hand, neither really wanting to broach the subject as they were both unsure how he would take the news.

'So are you to going to tell me what's going on, or are you just going to sit there staring at each other?' The chief bellowed.

'Well wanted to tell you before you heard it off someone else……… you see the reason we….em need to talk to you is….'

'I'm pregnant.' Meredith interjected; she was growing impatient with all of Derek's stammering.

'Well congratulations, how far along are you? I am assuming this was not planned.' He did not really know how to react. He tried to be happy for them but he was fully aware of hard it was going to be for Meredith to keep up.

'She's twelve weeks, we went for the scan this morning and no it wasn't planned but now we have had some time to get used to it we are really excited.' Derek spoke defensively as he gently squeezed Meredith's hand trying to offer her some reassurance.

'Well then I am happy for both of you.' The chief tried to offer a smile, but the pair sensed his disappointment in the situation.

'So how have you been feeling Meredith?'

'I'm fine really, the last twelve weeks have been hard, but I think the vomiting is finally starting to subside.' Then as if on cue Meredith jumped up and headed to the bathroom.

'She won't be long.' The chief nodded and the pair sat fiddling uncomfortably for a few moments.

'You know Derek this is going to be really hard on Meredith, I would of thought the pair of you would have been more careful, I mean your doctors for god sake.' He spoke sternly voicing his disapproval.

'I know it is going to be hard on Meredith okay I get that, but I am going to be there for her through everything and you know what accidents happen, it's how you deal with them.' Derek snapped and before the chief had chance to reply Meredith came strolling in.

'What's going on?'

'Nothing, are you alright? You look kind of pale.' Derek watched her concern on his face.

'I am fine for the last time, I can deal with a bit of vomiting.' Derek smiled at her attempt to reassure him.

'Well Meredith what do you want to do about your hours? We can reduce them if you think that it is too much for you.'

'No I am fine, I just want to carry on as normal, people have babies' everyday it's not a big deal.' Meredith shook her head at the two men fussing.

'As long as you're sure, you know if it gets too much or you have any problems you can come to me and we will go from there. But I am trusting you to tell me if you can't manage Meredith, I don't want you running yourself into the ground.'

'I won't and thank you.' Meredith replied quietly sinking down into her chair, she felt like a little girl in trouble.

They left the chiefs office and both felt like a massive weight had been lifted off of their shoulders.

'It could have been worse.' Meredith said as her and Derek strode into the elevator.

'Yes.' He shied choosing to keep his and Richards little chat to himself, she didn't need the stress.

'So the chief is going to tell Bailey and everyone, I am going to tell my friends in a minute when I meet them for lunch, so that just leaves our parents. I figured we could just give them a call you know, oh and you might want to tell Addison before someone else does.' Meredith twittered on with herself until the elevator stopped at her level. 'Okay this is me.' She leaned in and kissed Derek.

'Eat something and take it easy.' Derek called after her. He was always fussing over her. Meredith wasn't sure whether it was because she was pregnant or if he was still not over the whole drowning thing, either way she just indulged him, it was what he needed.

'Hey Addy.' Derek bellowed down the corridor as he caught sight of her. 'Can we talk?' He dragged her into an empty exam room before she even had time to reply.

'What's the matter I am on my way to lunch.' She looked at him slightly intrigued.

'I wanted to tell you before you heard it from someone else.'

'Tell me what, is everything okay?'

'Meredith's pregnant, twelve weeks.' It seemed to be easier to say the second time.

'Oh…… well congratulations.' She stammered the hurt apparent on her face.

'Who is her OB?'

'She has been seeing Dr Taylor at her private clinic, we thought it might be a little more private, you know what hospital gossip is like.' Derek replied sensing the tension in the room.

'Taylor's good, I am really happy for you Derek honestly.' Addison quietly left the room, she knew Derek could read her like a book and the hurt was apparent all over her face but the last thing that she needed right now was his sympathy.

Meredith sat with her friends, picking at her lunch, still feeling rather nauseous. She was trying to work out the best way to tell George and Alex about the baby, she was paying very little attention to everything going on around her.

'Meredith, Meredith earth to Meredith is anybody home.' Alex bellowed.

'What sorry yes what's up?' She muttered

'I am getting coffee, do you want?'

Meredith saw her in, she thought she would just drop it into conversation, hoping they would not make a fuss. 'I can't caffeine's not good for the baby.'

'So you are finally admitting it.' Alex laughed.

'You knew?' Meredith was shocked.

'I live in the same house, I have been listening to you throw up for weeks, not to mention the fact Derek and Izzie loose it every time you so much as lift your hand bag.' Alex stated matter factly.

The three girls all started laughing, George however sat there silently, a little put out that he was out of the loop. 'How did I not know about this?'

'That's what happens when you become the O'Malley's.' Izie sneered voicing her disapproval, resulting in a glare from George.

'Stop wining foetus, she just told you didn't she.' Alex said before he wondered off to get his coffee.

'So did you get the ultrasound picture?' Izzie enquired enthusiastically.

'Yes, have a look if you want.' Meredith pulled it out of her pocket and placed it in front of her friends.

George and Izzie fussed over the picture, while Christina tried to look more discretely, not wanting to ruin her street cred. Meredith simply sat back and observed smiling to herself. Today had been a good day.

_I don't know why but this chapter has been a nightmare for me. But hey it's over now thank god!!!!!!!!_

_I have some really exciting ideas involving some of Derek's family, which you can look forward to._


	9. Chapter 9

Meredith was now twenty four weeks pregnant and was sporting a rather visible bump. Derek and Meredith were both really happy, everyone had been told about the baby and had made no attempt to bombard the pair, which they appreciated.

Meredith walked slowly downstairs, wearing one of Derek's shirts, following the amazing smell that was coming from the kitchen. When she reached the kitchen she stood in the doorway watching Izzie and Alex finishing off their breakfasts and Derek stood over the stove cooking. Meredith cleared her throat, causing Derek to shift his attention from the stove to the figure stood in the doorway.

'I was bringing you breakfast in bed, go back upstairs.' He smiled shaking his head.

Meredith slowly walked up behind him and slid her arms round her waist. 'I up now we can just eat down here.' She mumbled into his back.

He slowly turned around in her arms and planted a gently kiss on her lips. 'Okay but go and sit down.'

'I want to help.' Meredith reciprocated the kiss.

Izzie and Alex both stood up. 'Right we are going to get to work before you to start going at it.' Alex shook his head smiling at the pair as he and Izzie put their bowls in the sink and made their way towards the door.

'Shut up Alex I think it's cute, good luck at the doctor this morning, come find me when you get to work.' Izzie bellowed as she hurried out the door.

'Do you want some juice?' Meredith enquired as she opened up the fridge.

Derek came up behind her and spun her around, pushing her up against the fridge and kissing her. 'I told you to sit down.' He mumbled in between kissing her.

They got completely involved with each other, it wasn't often they got to spend the morning just the two of them. Then came the sound of someone clearing their throat in the same way Meredith had done, minutes before. Neither bothered to lift their heads Meredith just began to mumble in between kisses. 'Seriously you two go to work.'

At first nobody spoke then all of a sudden an older woman's sharp tone could be heard through out the kitchen. 'Derek you could at least introduce us.'

All of a sudden the pair pulled apart and turned to the direction of the voice. Words refused to exit either of their mouths, both their faces red with embarrassment.

'Well.' The woman spoke again.

Derek began to stammer and stutter. 'Oh right yes sorry, Meredith this is my Mum May and one of my sisters Kathleen, Mum, Kathleen this is Meredith.'

Meredith's head shot round to glare at Derek, she mortified at the prospect of meeting her boyfriends mother for the first time, not to mention the fact she was found pressed up against the kitchen wearing nothing but a shirt.

'Hey.' Meredith said quietly as she shook hands with the two women.

'What are you two doing here? Why didn't you call? How did you know I was here? And how did you get in?' Derek enquired sharply.

'Calm down will you, I wanted to meet Meredith and I knew you would try to talk us out of coming so here we are. And to answer your other questions we went to the trailer you were not there so I rang Addison and got Meredith's address. Don't think I am rude Meredith some pretty blonde met us outside and told us to go straight through.' His mother finished smiling at the pair.

'Izzie, I am going to kill her.' Meredith muttered to herself.

'You should of called I could of picked you up from the airport, I have the morning off to take Meredith to her doctors appointment.' Derek seemed calmer now as he leant forward to greet his mother and sister properly.

'It's fine really, but if you are feeling guilty you could feed us I am starving.' Derek's sister spoke not taking her eyes of Meredith who was fidgeting uncomfortably.

'Yes, you should join us Derek's making breakfast, I am just going to go change I won't be long.' Meredith excused herself and quickly ran up stairs.

'Go after her Derek the poor girls in shock, I will finish off breakfast.' He mother ushered him out of the room.

Meredith was sat on the edge of the bed when Derek walked upstairs, he wandered over to the bed and positioned himself next to her.

'You okay?' He whispered gently taking her hand in his.

'Yes, not exactly the way I wanted to meet your family.' she sighed.

'Don't worry about it, why don't you get dressed and come and have some breakfast?'

'I am I just need to ouch!' Meredith yelped as her hand rubbed the top of her stomach.

'Are you alright?' Concern was dominant in his tone.

'I'm fine it's just your child keeps kicking me.' She smiled at Derek has he put his hand on her stomach and traced continues circles to try and settle the baby.

'Stop kicking your mom, it's not nice, especially as she is doing such a good job of looking after you.' He said sternly.

'Derek you can't control the unborn.' Meredith smiled and slowly stood up heading towards the bathroom.

Fifteen minutes later the pair made their way back downstairs into the kitchen for breakfast. Derek's mother had laid the table and had prepared quite a feast. There was some fresh fruit she had found, fruit juice, pancakes, muesli, french toast and coffee.

Meredith took a deep breath and sat down at the table with the two women.

'This looks great.' Meredith spoke quietly.

'Thanks, I think a good breakfast is important.' His mother stated.

'So Meredith have you started buying things for the baby yet?' Kathleen enquired.

'Not yet, we need to decide what we are doing about living accommodation first.' Meredith stated tucking into her breakfast.

'Your not living here?'

'Well we could but Izzie and Alex live here to it's not exactly a family home, I mean we like the trailer but it's not practical with a baby and there isn't really time to build a house on the land before the baby arrives.' Meredith smiled at Derek's sister, hoping that would be an end to her questioning.

'So what are you going to do then, I mean you haven't go long you know.' Kathleen pointed out, frustrated by Meredith's laid back attitude.

'For god sake give us a break Kath, we will figure it out in our own time.' Derek snapped, knowing full well that the last thing Meredith needed was the third degree.

Derek's mother tried to cut the tension. 'So I thought maybe we could all go out to dinner while we are in town, you could invite your father Meredith, so all the grandparents could become familiar.'

'I don't really have a relationship with my father and I'm not sure if the baby will either, but I can ask him if you would like to meet him.'

'Not if you don't get along, I don't want to upset you.'

'We haven't fallen out or anything, we just don't know each other that's all, really it's fine.' Meredith said softly, she had been meaning to make time to see him anyway and at least this way it wouldn't be up to her to speak to him all night.

'So what have you two got planned today? Derek enquired.

'Well we have not come all this way to spend time with each other, we came to see you, so you tell us what we are doing.' Kathleen snapped at her brother.

'Well Meredith has a doctors appointment this morning and then we both have work, but we could do something this evening.' Derek suggested.

'Don't put yourself out Derek.'

'Listen it's not my fault I have a life, you should have called first.' Derek snapped loosing patience with his sister's arsy comments.

'Well for god sake Derek, what are you hiding up here, I mean we haven't seen you in over a year, we have never met the woman you left your wife for who is carrying your baby, how about an invite?'

'How old are you two, have you got no manners, Derek help me clear the plates and then we will be off let get to your appointment Meredith.' The older woman tried to calm the situation, but failed as Derek stomped around the kitchen and Kathleen sat sternly in her seat, until they left, failing to even acknowledge Derek.

Meredith and Derek sat in the kitchen, Derek finishing his coffee and Meredith reading the newspaper.

'So that's my family.'

_I hope you liked the start I think there visit is prob going to last about three chapters, this was kind of just setting the scene. Not exactly sure what is gonna happen next I am kind of just mking it up as I go along, so if you have any ideas, please review!!!!!!!!_


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